In our spiritual journeys, we often encounter moments that test our commitment and challenge our ability to balance discipline with intention. A recent experience during Shabbos Mevarchim Cheshvan, which was also Shabbos Bereishis serves as a powerful illustration of this delicate balance.
The Pressure of Spiritual Obligations
Imagine a little over one day packed with spiritual “obligations:” reading the entire portion of Bereishis, reciting the whole book of Tehillim (Psalms), and completing daily learning routines. The sheer volume of these tasks can create a palpable sense of pressure and even fear of not finishing "on time." But what does "on time" really mean in the context of our spiritual growth?
The Gift of "Failure"
In my case, I didn't complete all the tasks within the customary timeframe. Initially, this might seem like a failure. However, this "failure" turned out to be a valuable lesson in self-compassion and understanding the true nature of spiritual practice.
Lessons I Learned:
Be kind to yourself: Practicing gentleness with oneself is a crucial aspect of spiritual growth.
Intentions matter: Remember that you're engaging in these practices by choice, not under duress.
G-d is love: Understanding that G-d's love is unconditional can alleviate unnecessary stress.
Flexibility is key: There's always room for make-up and teshuva (return).
Honestly, thanks to these lessons from “not finishing in time” I feel lighter and more excited in attempting to finish “on time” next time or next year. Why? Because I’m doing it like a game rather than obligation and fear of punishment or fear of missing out on some spiritual reward.
Balancing Kabbalos Ol and Personal Well-being
In Chassidic teachings, we learn about "kabbalos ol" - accepting the yoke of divine service. While this concept emphasizes discipline and commitment, it's crucial to balance it with personal well-being and a positive approach to spiritual growth.
In this context, kabbalos ol means accepting actions because G-d commanded them—through our leaders, the Rebbeim—and trusting their guidance about ideal practices for special days like Shabbos Mevarchim and Bereishis. However, the yetzer hara (evil inclination or ego) often tries to distort this meaning.
Kabbalos Ol means performing these actions with commitment. While finishing is the intention and one aims for it, stressing about it misses the point.
Some of our leaders may use phrases like "this is the only time" to finish, which can create positive stress. However, there's always an opportunity to "make it up" in a timely manner. When it comes to taking action, we should avoid undue stress and strain.
We can see the above illustrated by a teaching of the Rebbe.
The Lubavitcher Rebbe emphasized using positive language that connotes birth and progression. For instance, considering spiritual deadlines as "due dates" rather than rigid deadlines can shift our perspective towards growth and opportunity.
With this in mind, make-ups are welcome. Rather than seeing things as missed opportunities, we can rest assure teshuva is always welcomed and desired.
Embracing "Failure" as a Path to Growth
The idea of "failing often" might seem counterintuitive in spiritual practice, but it's a powerful tool for growth. Each "failure" is an opportunity to:
Practice self-compassion
Reassess our intentions
Strengthen our resolve
Deepen our understanding of our spiritual journey
Finding the Balance
The key to balancing discipline and intention lies in maintaining a calm, guilt-free approach to our spiritual practices. Here are some guidelines:
Set intentions, not just goals
Approach tasks with calmness and mindfulness
Avoid all-or-nothing thinking
Embrace flexibility and the concept of "make-up" time
Focus on the journey, not just the destination
By balancing discipline with intention, and embracing both our successes and "failures," we can create a spiritual practice that flows with ease and authenticity. Remember, the ultimate goal is not perfection, but growth, connection, and a deepening relationship with the Divine. In this journey, every step - even the seeming missteps - brings us closer to our true spiritual selves.
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